Tuesday, May 14, 2013
With the business of today out of the way, which was formalizing some paperwork at the civil affairs office, Jess and Lexa are napping which is much needed for them so I thought I would give this blog writing a shot, since my Netflix isn't working and yes as a man, it can get old reading the same thing on espn.com:) Jaydn is sitting on my lap, saying out loud every word I am typing so trying to think and type just isn't working and the delete button is telling me to stop hitting it so much!! As Jess wrote earlier, Lexa just didn't want me to hold her, look at her, and touch her. She would look at me with confusion in her eyes and quickly look away. when Jess had to finish some paperwork yesterday, I had to watched her and she go quite upset, started crying and would flop on the ground when I would try to pick her up or carry. Now for whatever reason, back in the states, playing with kids, this age, is very easy for me. they like to hang on me and hit me and they are hardly ever shy. Needless to say, I just expected Lexa to do the same thing. in the back of my mind I thought something like this would happen but i would just have a positive outlook towards the meeting and not plan emotionally for what would happen if this would happen. I felt helpless and sad, I asked myself and God if I would have the same relationship with her as I do with my biological children. When Jess was finished with her paperwork Lexa was thrilled that she had come back...as was i:) As the day wore on and back in our hotel room where there was piece and quiet, we played a little and it was so great to see her play with some blocks with Jaydn and crash them down. she would laugh so hard when they would fall and she would look up at me with this big smile and she would look at me with my big smile and I feel that she felt that this guy isn't so bad. by the end of the night, she was letting me hold her and hold her hand and I even got a few kisses in there without her looking:) Today, she lets me feed her and hold her when we go places, and when Jess steps out of the room she doesn't fuss or nothing, she just wants to hold my hand. I love this little girl and looking back, yes it will take that time to bond, but God, day by day is answering my question...I will have that relationship with her as I do my other children and I am soo excited about it.
Posted by Jessica Lloyd at 2:33 AM